you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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