She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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