Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
