you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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