Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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