The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize