new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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