Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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