Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
