he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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