I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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