I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
