The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
