hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
