I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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