they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
