I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
