Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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