Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
