Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
