i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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