Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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