hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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