I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
