If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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