My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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