at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
