Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize