So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
