I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
