so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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