It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
