guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
