"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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