ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
