3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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