It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
