I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So squirting runs in the family.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
