They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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