Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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