dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
