margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
