Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
