I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
