I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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