I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
