Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
