i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
