His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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