I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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