Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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