I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
