you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's the barista slut.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
