the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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