It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
id be glad to
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
