break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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