I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
