My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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