We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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