Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
