Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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