Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
