i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
