Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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