NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
