I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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