he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
