You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
