nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
