It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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