who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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