i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
