so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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