so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
