The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
