You really coming over, don't trick.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
