sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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