I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
