How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
