shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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