i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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