Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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