so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
