More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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