Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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