It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
